I don’t want to think about my kids as adults.
I really don’t. The thought makes me panic. What will life look like for them when they are older? Will they be able to make it? What if everything they learned is not enough? What, when, how, where and how, etc….
It’s all a lot to think about, but then I stop. Because I am questioning my trust in them. If I’m going to question anyone, it should really be me.
Instead of questioning who my kids are going to be in this world, have I done everything I can to instill everything they need to make it in this world? Now that the question is thrown back on me, the trust shifts from them to myself and this is where I think we as parents learn that we are either our own cheerleaders or biggest enemy,
I would say depending on the day I can be both. Trust is an interesting word as a parent. Trust can also be a big word when you don’t believe in yourself and it is such a humbling feeling.
I think when we become parents we envision what it will look like. We see the starting line, and we think we can predict the end; the middle will be what it is, and we go. When in reality, the starting line is our first introduction to the start of precious moments, and the middle is the most important. It’s our time with our children. It’s our time. It’s our love, It’s our ability to be human, to show our children mistakes are okay, being upset is okay. Living a life that is worthy of them will take hard work, and it may not always work the way you want and sometimes you have to grow in those uncomfortable moments.
The middle is where we as parents also find ourselves. We grow and learn. We face disappointments and heartaches. We become our own heroes in time of fear, and our kids get to watch. They get to see what our super powers are. Or they will watch us turn into our own villains. And regardless of what we do, we will have to believe that we did right by them.
And even if in our most human of moments, it’s important to trust the process, because they are watching and learning, and they need to see the trust we have for ourselves. See us persevere, see the determinations and resiliency, even if it ends in defeat.
They need to see.
And we need to trust that when they do, they will still love us, just as much as we love them.
We need to trust that we will still love ourselves even if they see.
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